 I'm done being NICE...
but I will never stop being KIND. For a long time I didn't know the difference between these two words. Now, one no longer has a place in my life and the other is a standard by which I live.
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We MUST cultivate healthy relationships with ourselves because, if you think about it, they really are the most important and longest-lasting relationships we will ever have. Learn WHAT a healthy relationship looks like, WHY it’s so important and HOW to cultivate one. Plus, an extra credit assignment at the end. Peace, Love & Freedom!  'Why?' is one of my favorite questions. It helps get to the root of things. You can go deeper and deeper into something by continuing to ask, 'why?'. This is helpful because often the things that are keeping us stuck aren't on the surface. They are usually buried under many layers and take a bit of prodding to figure out why we are doing, saying or thinking certain things. When I first started asking myself and then my clients, 'Why?,' I was shocked by how often the answers were along these lines:
 Mindfulness and meditation have been around since the beginning of time, yet the terms and uses have gotten very popular in the Western world during this millennium.... and for good reason. They work.
WHAT Mindfulness is a way of being. Meditation is a tool to help us become more mindful.  Non-attachment. Attachment. Is one good and the other bad? I’m not sure anymore. Non-attachment first crossed my path in a yoga class in my mid 20’s. I dug it. It seemed simple enough at first. It helped me let go of a few things that were making me anxious. Don’t be attached to your stuff. OK. Don’t be attached to the past or the future. I could work on that.
 I should have been an actress. Jennifer Lawrence and I would totally be hanging out in Hollywood right now, drinking fancy coffee and reminiscing about our hometown. She’d congratulate me on my latest Oscar. I’d act like it was nothing. Bill Murray would walk up and say something funny. We’d throw our hair back and laugh and laugh…
But, I am not an actress. I’ve just been one hell of a performer.  Personal growth is funny. Not, ‘haha’ funny, although many times I have laughed out loud at the tenacity of the universe when it keeps putting the same lesson in front of me that I refuse to learn. No, it’s a funny thing because many parts of it seem contradictory. For example, we want to make goals, but know not to be too attached to exactly how we achieve them. Another one is holding others accountable and forgiving them at the same time. One that I feel I am always trying to balance is accepting what is/being OK with where I am AND wanting to make changes/do things differently at the same time. Then the light bulb moment occurs. The changes I want to make (and help others with) are the ones that help us become more of ourselves! I never encourage clients to do anything that’s not in alignment just because that’s what the rest of the world does.
The key is being ok with where we are AND being willing to uncover even more of the real us at every turn, no matter what we need to change to get there.  Where would you be without support in your life? Maybe you have just begun dabbling in what it feels like to let your guard down and be truly supported. Maybe you are a seasoned giver and receiver of healthy support. We are all different in the ways we ask for and take in support. We are all strong and independent women AND we all need connection and support to thrive.
Spoiler Alert: I hate to blow it right here in the beginning, but it’s self-compassion or self-love... whatever you want to call it. If you were going to focus on only one thing this year, this will change your life more than anything else. Unfortunately, it’s not that sexy. I mean, loving yourself is SUPER SEXY, but the changes that occur from loving yourself more aren’t always tangible or easily measured. The before and after photos aren’t that dramatic.
 Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone (including yourself), only to spend time with them and immediately begin to feel all the anger and annoyance rise up again? Yeah? Me, too. However, does this mean you haven’t forgiven the person? Probably not. There are a few factors at play that can make forgiveness SEEM complicated, but it’s not… as long as you are aware of what’s going on in your heart, mind, and body. As with so many important things in life, it’s SIMPLE, but not necessarily EASY.
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AuthorJacque Saltsman is a Healer and Life Coach who is committed to the empowerment and healing of women locally and globally. Jacque has attended and staffed the Woman Within Training Weekend and sits in an amazing E-circle in her hometown of Louisville, Kentucky. She can be found at jacquesaltsman.com. Archives
January 2018
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