For all the beautiful healing women, still searching, still trying to quiet that voice....
The mother wound is very much alive.
It’s dark and penetrating, sometimes creeping up from some long-denied place inside, while other times barrelling at us full-speed, with ferocity and little warning.
For some, the wound appears deep burgundy-black; for others, piercing blood-red. For still others, it may appear as a myriad of haunting, pervasive colors, filling the deep wells of our soul and its broken places with its unnerving presence.
This mother wound—the embodiment of painful energy once carried by our maternal ancestors, passed down through us for generations and lifetimes—affects each one of us in different ways. Few can say their maternal lineage didn’t experience painful loss, persecution, abuse, rape—even murder. Few can say these collective energies don’t pool into a current-day ache deep in our bellies, in the very wombs that are the givers and receivers of life, leaving us with widespread physical aching, stabbing pains, unsolvable worries, pelvic syndromes, mental fatigue, confusion, fear, and hidden shame.
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Has anyone ever lied to you? How did it feel?
Have you ever lied? How did that feel?
I won't guess how either of those felt for you, but I will bet that you answered 'yes' to the first and third questions. I would venture to say very few humans reading this have never told a lie or been lied to at some point in their lives. I mean, we did all have parents of some form or another.
I lied recently and I was surprised as anyone when the fib flew out of my mouth so readily. I have been consciously making an effort NOT to lie for many years now. I was "busted" rather quickly and the person on the other end was hurt, understandably so.
Besides my own experience, lying (and trust) has come up a lot lately, both with clients and in personal conversations. Is my employee lying to me? Why wasn't soandso truthful about that silly little thing? How come I never feel like soandso is giving me the whole story? We're also seeing a boatload of lies and coverups coming to light in the media. It's all around us.
People lie for countless reasons. One of the most popular being "I didn't want to hurt the other person" which most often translates to:
"I want to avoid the conflict that I believe telling the truth would cause".
More on that later.
To rationalize lying, we tend to break them down into degrees of severity. There are the big "OMG, I can't believe he said that, bald-face lies" all the way down to the "little-bitty, teeny-weeny white lies" we tell about something minute. And don't forget the "omission of truth", that's not quite a lie, but we know it may lead someone to believe something that isn't true.
Lying. Is it ever okay?
EXPRESS YOURSELF! Why it’s so important to be the unique expression you were meant to be. Even if it’s a little scary or takes more time and energy to say what you want vs just “going with the flow”, it’s worth it!
It's amazing how during this time of year filled with people, parties, cheer and celebrations, we can often feel more alone than ever. In fact, it's not unusual to numbly bulldoze our way through the holidays (and most of the other 11 months) with a forced smile, acting like we are fine, fine, fine.
However, underneath it all we feel overwhelmed (and guilty about feeling overwhelmed) spending our energy trying to feel the way we think we are supposed to feel, saying the things we think people want to hear, doing things we think people want us to do and then judging ourselves for doing it all wrong.
It's exhausting and painful.
It's heavy and lonely.
Live with an open heart! Right now, more than ever, we need a world living with open hearts. Watch and learn about 3 key elements: Healthy Boundaries, Surrendering, and Leading with Love!
Or more aptly titled, Learning to Sit with Discomfort So We Can Finally Let it Go.
Do you remember playing hot potato when you were a kid? You'd be in a group and whenever you thought the thing might be coming your way, you got ready. You tensed up. You narrowed your focus. You zoned completely in on the thing. You stayed on high alert. Whenever the thing came your way, you did everything in your power to get rid of it as fast as possible. Because if you were too slow and got stuck holding the thing when the music stopped, you were OUT and nobody wants to be out.
Thanks to a interview I watched with Glennon Doyle Milton recently, I realized this is exactly how most of us learn to handle uncomfortable feelings, pain, discomfort and difficult situations in our culture. We spend a boatload of time and energy anticipating the thing coming, all rigid and suited up in our armor. We constantly live in fear of it getting too close and when it actually does, we bear down and then toss it away from us as quickly as humanly possible.
What would you do if you only had one year to live?
Someone asked me that question the other day and it stunned me. Me! The life enthusiast, activist, celebrator, joy-pusher, traveler, the one who cries from happiness. I have a bucket list a mile long, but I couldn't answer the question. One year. That kind of urgency changes things.
I need your help. It's time for a change. I'm not talking about political change (although that is sorely needed in this country as well). However, today I'm talking about RECEIVING.
I want to start a Receiving Revolution!
I've become acutely aware of a major disconnect in our society, especially amongst us helpers, healers, teachers and givers. It's practically an epidemic. I'm talking about the delusional martyrdom so many of us exhibit when refusing to receive something that is offered to us that we actually want. I'm talking about starting a much needed revolution for all of us to relearn the gracious art of receiving (compliments, acknowledgements, kindness, affection, attention, guidance, tangible gifts) without habitually refusing, rejecting, deflecting or disagreeing with the one offering.
Has anyone ever mentioned these to you? Or might you be a self-proclaimed control junkie? Most people I know (present company included) have a tendency towards control. We want to know what we're getting into. We want to know how it will all turn out. Unless it's a birthday, surprises aren't considered a good thing in this world. If you want to be successful, you must keep it all together and look good doing it, right? Successful people have goals, plans and foreseeable outcomes. They take responsibility for everyone and everything. We are only worthy if we are proving our worth. It's not OK to be different or do it differently. Only crazy or lazy people let go of the reins and let things fly. Right? I don't think so
Happy belated Independence Day! Just because the 4th has come and gone doesn't mean we can stop thinking about freedom. Freedom from what, though? From whom? Some might say that freedom is being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Others might say like it’s being able to live however one chooses, without judgement or forced restrictions from others. Some might say freedom is mental; an attitude – having inner peace no matter what the external circumstances are. In some parts of the world it still might mean the simple right to vote. Whatever freedom means to you, I doubt any of it would ever come to fruition without discipline AND compassion. Discipline? Discipline means rules, restrictions and having no fun, right? Sometimes. However, when we incorporate self-compassion with discipline into our lives, we can create practices (that eventually become habits) that are the vehicles to the freedom we desire. Think about it.
Jacque Saltsman is a Healer and Life Coach who is committed to the empowerment and healing of women locally and globally. Jacque has attended and staffed the Woman Within Training Weekend and sits in an amazing E-circle in her hometown of Louisville, Kentucky. She can be found at jacquesaltsman.com.